I got a call from my ex this morning. Did I just gag out loud?
I’m sorry, I hate to have that attitude. But he calls me and is nice for like 3 minutes, and then begins hissing at me. And I’m just like, why?
And so that is how I’m always left feeling at the end of our conversations, is, why?
Why do you need to act like this, why aren’t you nicer, why do you need to call me and give me a hard time? OMG I could go on and on and on. But at the end of the day my only pestering question is, WHY?
Why the need for the hissing? It’s so disappointing. Is it really necessary? Don’t you remember not too long ago we used to actually like each other? Oh dear.
And so as I hung up the phone today feeling disappointed and frustrated (AGAIN), I think I am finally understanding why I’m left feeling like this after every interaction we have.
I think what annoys me, is that I can’t accept who my ex is. I think I’m frustrated because, I keep hoping I’ll answer the phone, and the person I wish he was will be on the other end of the line. And when I realize that he hasn’t morphed into what I want him to be, that leaves me feeling very frustrated. It like, really bums me out.
The realization and reiteration each time we talk of what he IS actually morphing into, just leaves me feeling so bummed. If only he were different he’d be more acceptable to me. And I don’t mean as a boyfriend, but just as a human being.
These expectations I have are not fair to him and they are also not fair to me.
About 10 years ago I read a book by Louise Hay, the concepts of which began to change my life and point of view. She is a kindred spirit who healed herself of cancer by changing her negative mindset to a positive one.
One of her principles that stuck with me through the years, is that we must forgive people for not being who we want them to be, and let them go.
It’s not easy to do, but in instances where I’ve been able to successfully do it, it really did set me free.
So how can I avoid feeling disappointed every time I interact with this person? I need to forgive him for not being who I want him to be. And I need to let my expectation that he will ever be what I wish he would be, GO. This requires a lot of deep breathing.
Last night at our ladies night Superbowl party, we were appropriately talking about forgiveness, and my friend mentioned that her forgiveness mantra is to bless the person who’s hurt you, and release them.
Bless and release. Sounds beautiful doesn’t it?
I think this is an instance where I need to combine Louise Hay’s advice with my friend’s advice. I need to forgive my ex for not being who I want him to be, bless him, and release my expectations.
I think it will take me awhile to let my expectations go. I can forgive him, I can bless him and give thanks for the lessons he taught me, but it’s going to be hard to release my expectations of who I was hoping he’d be. However, if I remain diligent to this flipped perspective, eventually all the air will clear. But it will take some conscious effort and practice.
Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive for not being who you want them to be? Can you bless them, and release your expectations of this person? It can be anyone, a family member, partner, ex-partner, friend, coworker, etc.
It is tough to do, but extremely worth it in the end. Letting go of the expectations of what we want others to be, totally lets us off the hook for getting annoyed when others are not acting up to our standards. Now I am not suggesting that we tolerate abusive behavior or anything like that. And forgiving someone doesn’t mean they need to be a part of your life. But rather it releases the burden of expecting something out of someone that you may never get. And it lightens our load when we choose to let go of the disappointment we feel when our expectations are not met.
If we drop our expectations, we have nothing to be disappointed about.
So, I’m going to try it. I’m going to try forgiving, blessing and releasing this one person in my life who least deserves it. Can you try it with me today? Let me know how it goes!
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Jennifer Marut is a student of Ayurveda. Sign up for her health and happiness e-newsletter for daily inspiration! She just published a “Dharma for beginners” eBook and spreads health and healing love with her Ayurveda-inspired plant power products with a purpose. Take a moment to learn more about her charity and you can also follow her adventures on Twitter. Namaste!